Toxins And Autism..A Link?

Check out this video on a new study suggesting that early pre-natal exposure to environmental toxins might be a cause of autism and autistic spectrum disorders:

http://video.foxnews.com/v/4057071/study-toxins-linked-to-autism

As most of you recognize, this issue gets a great deal of press and raises immense swells of intense feelings. Some are convinced that vaccines are the primary culprit in the surge of autism diagnoses; others are indignant at this claim and refute the idea that vaccines could have had anything to do with it.

I don't tend to take the middle ground on many issues--just ask my friends and family--but I'm going to take a seat on the fence on this one. I have several hunches and thoughts on the subject that I'd like to share.

1. Correlation does not equal causation, but...

Pay attention to groups who do not have many cases of autism, such as the Amish. They have practically NO cases of autism. They also don't vaccinate their children. Now, does this prove anything? No. There are several factors unique to the Amish population that might have something to do with the difference; for example, perhaps they do have autistic children but don't take their children to doctors to get them diagnosed.

But a correlation like this does not prove a causal link, but it certainly necessitates a reasonable hypothesis. The vaccine-autism link is a reasonable hypothesis.

2. Pay attention to who would lose (bigtime) if it became well-known that vaccines DID cause autism.

Can you imagine the anger? The outcry? It would make the thalidomide disaster pale in comparison. No one would ever trust their pediatrician again. Lawsuits would destroy every one of them and every drug company who produced a vaccine with thimerosal (mercury). I'm not much of a conspiracy theorist, but it is important to recognize the HUGE bias that the government, drug companies, and physicians' groups have when it comes to this issue.

Even more so, imagine the parents who chose to have their babies vaccinated despite some of the questions out there. Can you imagine the overwhelming, incapacitating guilt that would spring from believing that that choice created such a debilitating neurological disorder? Staggering...

Parents are understandably biased in this debate, aren't they?

3. Realize that environmental toxins are almost everywhere and in almost everything--not just vaccines.

Almost all psychotropic drugs taken by mothers AND fathers can damage a growing fetus--whose brain is incredibly sensitive and vulnerable. With all of the millions of potential parents out there on psychiatric drugs, this puts a frightening number of babies at risk. There are dozens of household products that, when ingested through the mouth or nasal passages, can cross the placenta and damage a growing baby's brain.

Think about it: doesn't it only make sense that what we eat, inhale, and touch can affect a growing baby's central nervous system? How many parents know how to control for this factor? How many CAN? Doesn't it only make sense that many children are born with compromised brains due to environmental toxins, ingested and transferred to the fetus, completely inadvertently and unwillingly?

4. Finally, any doctor or agency who tells you that the case is closed on environmental toxin-autism link is full of...environmental toxins.

Yes, some judge determined that there was no link between thimerosal and autism. But our supposedly finest federal judges--the United States Supreme Court--also ruled that carbon dioxide is a pollutant, even though this is the very life-sustaining compound that all plants breathe! So judges are not reliable arbiters of scientific inquiry.

The reality is that the scientific case is very much open. No one knows for sure what causes autism and what has caused autism in the past. My hunch is that several (many, in fact) environmental insults are responsible for damaging the brain just enough to create autistic spectrum disorders and several other neurological disorders that we have labeled. In 50 years, perhaps we will have more solid answers. For now, I'm not going to dismiss any of the theories.

What is Lazy?

One of the most common complaints I see in my practice is academic difficulties. Children struggle to complete homework, study for tests, or comprehend material enough to perform well on tests. My job is to theorize why the child is struggling and offer the parents, child, and sometimes school suggestions on how to make things better.

I rule out learning problems, medical problems, emotional problems, and a host of other barriers to academic success. Sometimes what is left is the only diagnosis that makes sense: Lazy Butt Disorder (LBD).

I joke with parents about laziness, but we then have a serious discussion about what laziness is.

So what is laziness?

First, I’ll tell you what laziness is not. It is not a neurological disease. It is not a disability. It is not a disorder. It is also not a simple choice. I don’t think children choose to be lazy; they don’t wake up one day and decide, “I think I’m going to avoid work at all costs and choose instead to play.”

Laziness is, however, a behavior pattern of individual choices made over time. Most simply, it is a habit of avoiding work (such as responsibilities) while preferring to do something easier and/or more enjoyable. The lazy child knows that he should pick up the toy on the floor, but chooses to ignore it and go play. The lazy student knows that she should edit her paper’s spelling and grammar mistakes, but chooses instead to text her friends.

More specifically, the pattern involves a war of motivation. The lazy child weighs the options: picking up the toy would not be very enjoyable, so I wouldn’t get anything positive out of that; at the same time, going to play would be enjoyable and that would be positive. The choice is easy: ignore the toy and go play. Similarly, the lazy student weighs the options: what would bring more pleasure, editing the paper or texting? All things equal, it’s a no-brainer.

That is where a Parent in Charge must do the hard work of training the child. All things equal, the child will look only into the near future; but parents can make sure that the child is aware that all things are not equal—that his or her choices will have consequences in the short-term and long-term.

If the child has many repetitions where a parent rewards the choice to work rather than avoid work AND the child is prevented from being rewarded for avoiding work, then that child will naturally begin to make different choices. Most children need this extrinsic motivation until it becomes a part of their internal nature; usually this develops during adolescence.

So if you have a “lazy” child, take responsibility for training your child to develop a strong work ethic. You have the power and position to do it!

The Parent in Charge Quiz

Assess your parenting style and family hierarchy by circling the response that most accurately reflects your experience with your child(ren).

1. My children boss me or tell me what to do.
A. Often
B. Sometimes
C. Are you kidding? My kids would never dream of ordering me around!

2. If I say no to something, my child will go to my spouse oranother adult to get what he or she wants.
A. Often
B. Sometimes
C. Are you kidding? My kid would never dream of answer shopping!

3. When I say no to my child, I get eye-rolling, arm-folding, stomping, door-slamming, and a series of looks as if I’m from another planet.
A. Often
B. Sometimes
C. Are you kidding? My kid would never dream of disrespecting me like that!

4. My child says things like “whatever” or whispers things under his or her breath to or about me.
A. Often
B. Sometimes
C. Are you kidding? My child knows better than to do that.

5. My children whine, beg, and plead to get what they want.
A. Often
B. Sometimes
C. Are you kidding? My children know that “Please, may I…” is the only way to get what they want.

6. My child insults me or calls me “lame,” “retarded,” “backward,” or other names.
A. Often
B. Sometimes
C. Are you kidding? My kid wouldn’t dare insult me!

7. My children complain of boredom; I have to make sure they are entertained.
A. Often
B. Sometimes
C. Are you kidding? My kids know that I will assign them a list of chores a mile long if they complain of being bored. They keep themselves occupied independently.

8. My children’s behavior is intolerable at restaurants or other public places to the point where I cannot take them anywheredecent behavior is expected.
A. Often
B. Sometimes
C. Are you kidding? My kids know that they will be eating nothing but wheat bread and broccoli if they act out in public!

9. When other children misbehave in my home, I feel powerless to intervene or discipline them.
A. Often
B. Sometimes
C. Are you kidding? Any child who comes to my home must follow my rules; if he refuses to accept my rules or discipline, he will leave and not return until that changes.

10. My children do not seem to care what I think of their behavior, so I do not acknowledge, praise, respect, or show appreciation for positive behavior.
A. Often
B. Sometimes
C. Are you kidding? My children and I thrive on mutual gratitude and expression of affection, especially when they behave well!

If you circled “C” on all (or almost all) 10 items, congratulations! You are a Parent in Charge. Of course, you can always learn how to more securely maintain a proper family hierarchy and manage your children, but you are on the right track.
If you circled “A” or “B” on multiple items, you are a more Submissive Parent. If you read and utilize the principles and techniques included in Desperately Seeking Parents, however, you can become a Parent in Charge.

Desperately Seeking Parents...Finally!

OK, Desperately Seeking Parents is now available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble's website.

Here are 10 reasons parents and grandparents should buy my book:

1. It's short (150 pages) and to the point.

2. It's very easy to read; I purposely wrote it in a conversational style. Nothing academic or complex in this book.

3. It's cheap! Only $13.95 for paperback and $30 for hardcover (I say get the paperback).

4. It will show you exactly why children need parents who are in control, without becoming controlling.

5. It supports parents' rights and authority, without demeaning the position of children.

6. It clarifies the difference between rights and privileges, which will help parents determine the things that will motivate their children and avoid spoiling them.

7. This is the first book to utilize a Family Constitution: a way to codify family structure, expectations, rewards, and consequences. Parents have found this enormously helpful.

8. It suggests high expectations for children and shows parents how they can get the very best from their children.

9. It's funny. Imagine Dave Barry as a parenting expert--except without the booger jokes.

10. It works! I've been using this method with parents since I started my practice and have seen amazing results--often in less than a week.

Go get it and review it online. I look forward to your feedback!

Normal People Aren’t “Normal”

A recent study by the Dutch researcher A. Bartels-Velthuis of University Medical Center Groningen determined that approximately 10 percent of seven and eight-year-olds hear voices. This study was refreshing in that she didn’t seem eager to pathologize children who do hear voices: “These voices in general have a limited impact in daily life. In most cases, the voices will just disappear. I would advise (parents) to reassure their child and to watch him or her closely."

Furthermore, up to 16 percent of mentally healthy children and teens may hear voices, the research team noted in the British Journal of Psychiatry. They added that while hearing voices can signal a heightened risk of schizophrenia and other psychotic disorders in later life, they add, the "great majority" of young people who have these experiences never become mentally ill.

This study is fundamentally different from so many others in the mainstream. Many studies focusing on childhood behavior seem heavily biased toward a medical, pathological view of any “abnormal” or different patterns. For example, children who throw temper tantrums are often viewed as having Bipolar Disorder or Oppositional Defiant Disorder, when there is no evidence that these children have any medical or mental disorder. Most of them simply require better parenting and/or healing from significant relational-emotional wounds.

I wish more studies would focus on an understanding that children with differences are often just that: different.

“When Toddlers Attack,” Rated G

I deal with a number of families whose toddler has started hitting when upset. They hit peers, siblings, even parents. This development upsets many parents, who are afraid of what it might mean and feel powerless to stop it.

Here are some important things to remember:

First, take a deep breath. Understand that if your toddler begins hitting (or kicking or any other aggressive habit), do not worry that your child is developing into a mercenary, thug, or terrorist. Hitting is a very normal developmental hiccup. Gandhi and Mother Teresa were probably whacking their siblings when they were in the terrible twos.

Second, understand that hitting is primarily a means of communication for a person who has a very short list of available options. Remember, most toddlers have the communication skills of a rutabaga, so when they are excited, angry, jealous, selfish, or sad, they don’t have the same tools that adults have: mainly, words. It would be nice if Junior could say, “Hey, I just got that toy; I’d prefer to play with it for a while before you get your grubby hands on it.” But unless you’re raising a genius, you’re toddler isn’t that verbal.

Third, toddlers are little scientists; they love to get a response out of others. Hitting is an easy way to get that response. Because their ability to empathize is limited, they aren’t particularly upset when they make someone else cry by hitting. In fact, they presume that because hitting seemed OK for them, it must have been OK for the victim: “Hey, that was fun for me! What’s your problem?”

Fourth, your response as a parent needs to be consistent. Understand that unlearning hitting requires both an adequate menu of alternatives and lots of practice using those alternatives. This takes time. Be patient. The most important factor in teaching better skills is modeling. Show your toddler what YOU do when you are angry or frustrated. Then invite your child to copycat you!

Fifth, when your child hits a peer or sibling, support that other child with words. Comfort the child and tell your toddler, “Ouch, that hurt. He won’t want to play with you if you hit him. Tell him you’re sorry.” Invite your child to do something gentle for that child; then reward him verbally.

Sixth, the most effective way to curb hitting is to prevent it from happening in the first place. Watch your toddler while playing; there will be plenty of moments he or she will become frustrated or angry. As soon as this occurs, intervene with your interpretation: “It looks like you are getting mad about this.” Your child will verify this, completing the communication. Now there is no need to hit, because someone gets it! Many repetitions of this circle of communication teaches the child to verbalize feelings.

Lastly, don’t put your child in a situation where he or she is likely to fail repeatedly. Sometimes it is better to conclude that your child is simply not ready for certain social situations. Train your child in smaller settings until there is more self-control; then you can feel safe bringing Junior to a number of social settings.

The Calm, Submissive Child

This one is for all of you Cesar Millan fans out there. For those of you who don’t know Cesar Millan, his nickname is The Dog Whisperer; he seems to have an incredible knack for understanding the psychology of dogs of all breeds and temperaments. He works to rehabilitate them, not terribly unlike what the Supernanny tries to do for families.

One of the basic tenets of his philosophy is that because dogs live in groups (called packs), they establish a hierarchy amongst themselves. Some pack members tend to be more innately dominant, while others are more naturally submissive. He teaches dog owners that no matter what breed or temperament of dog, all dogs need three essentials, in descending order: exercise, discipline, and affection. He also teaches that all dogs can be rehabilitated to achieve what he calls calm submissiveness.

Calm submissiveness is a state of being whereby the dog is prepared to willingly follow the will of its pack leader. Its central nervous system is relaxed, rather than hyperactive. The dog eagerly submits to the discipline of the alpha dog--the "boss" of the pack.

Cesar teaches dog owners how to achieve a calm submissive state in dogs by relying on calm assertive energy. Rather than using techniques that use excessive force or a domineering or bullying attitude, he teaches the owners to use calm assertive behavior. That is, the own establishes himself or herself as the pack leader through consistent discipline and does not engage the dog when the dog is in an excited state. Rather, the dog only gets the owner's attention when in a calm, submissive state.

The parallels to parenting are striking. Children crave parental attention, but many parents inadvertently give them attention when they are in a state that should not be rewarded--overly excited, rude, obnoxious, and most importantly, attempting to wrest dominance from the parent.

It is the parent's job to establish dominance with the child. Yes, dominance. I explain this concept in great detail in Desperately Seeking Parents. For now, understand that establishing dominance does not require aggression or hostility; rather, it requires calm assertive behavior, paired with clear expectations.


OK, I know your kids aren't dogs. But owning a dog isn't all that different than raising a human child. At least in some important ways. Think about it.